In regulated professions, the standards are enforced by a board. Here, for coaches at least, they’re enforced by nobody — which means knowing what good practice looks like is your protection.
The frame, stated plainly
Every practitioner listed on this site works remotely and by talking. Sessions are clothed, there’s no touch, there’s no surrogate partner work, and there are no sexual services of any kind. Nobody is asked to undress, to demonstrate anything, or to be observed.
Those aren’t squeamish restrictions; they’re the conditions under which this work can be done safely without regulation. Anyone offering something outside them, using any of the vocabulary on this site, is doing something else.
What consent actually requires here
Informed. You know what the method involves before you agree to it, including what a practitioner will ask you to notice or describe.
Ongoing. Agreeing at the start of a session doesn’t commit you to everything in it. A competent practitioner checks — is this all right, do you want to continue, would you rather stop here — and does so repeatedly.
Revocable without cost. This is the one that matters. You can decline anything, at any point, without explanation, and the work doesn’t change and the practitioner doesn’t become cool.
A decline treated as resistance to be worked through is the clearest single sign that you’re with the wrong person.
What a first conversation should establish
Their credential and what it required. Whether they’re a licensed clinician or a coach, stated plainly rather than left ambiguous. What they do and don’t work with. What happens if something comes up that’s outside their scope, and who they refer to. Their fee, cancellation terms, and whether they sell packages. And what confidentiality means in their case.
That last one is worth asking specifically. Licensed clinicians are bound by law with defined exceptions. Coaches are bound by contract at best, and legal privilege generally doesn’t apply. Ask what they keep, where, and for how long.
Scope, in one line each
A coach works on communication, confidence, desire and how you relate to your own body, in the present, with someone who isn’t unwell.
A coach doesn’t treat trauma, sexual dysfunction, compulsive behaviour, or any mental health condition, and doesn’t diagnose.
If any of those apply, that’s a licensed clinician, and frequently a doctor first.
Content, and how much detail
You’re never required to describe anything in more detail than you want to. “Something happened that I find hard to talk about” is a complete disclosure, and a practitioner who presses for specifics you’ve declined to give isn’t being thorough.
Equally, you shouldn’t be receiving detail about their sex life or their relationships. Occasional brief self-disclosure is normal practice; a practitioner whose experiences occupy the session is using you.
Where to draw your own line before you start
Worth deciding in advance rather than in the moment: what you’re willing to discuss, what you would rather approach later, and what isn’t on the table. Saying that at the outset isn’t defensive — it’s the conversation good practitioners want to have, and their response to it tells you most of what you need to know.